Repost @sailyjames [Today] is World Suicide Prevention Day. I…

Repost @sailyjames

[Today] is World Suicide Prevention Day. I hope that this post will not be the only awareness you see on social media and/or in real life.
I’m going to start this post by saying it’s the first post I’ve ever done that I’m just going to let my words come out as I feel them… I’m not going to reread the post at least 10 times to check the grammar or to make sure it says everything I wanted it to. I’m not going to edit out what I think may be “too much” to share…
I’ve learned that comes from being diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder: “black and white” thinking… there are no in-betweens… when posting, I feel the need to explain everything and make it perfect or I feel that it’s just not worth posting at all/I’ve seen others do it better/I’m going to be misunderstood.
I see a major difference in wanting to make life “SEEM perfect” online vs. wanting it to be CLEAR in any message I put out into the world, about love or friendship or politics or mental health. I’ve been criticized for obsessing over what I post… and everyone is aware that it’s always been a passion of mine to capture every moment in life with a photo. I have always known this is true… I care a lot about what I post… but it has never been about appearing perfect. But I digress… and I’m going to keep going…
As I walk through life, I know that I can’t be “cured” but I know for a fact that my mental health can be managed. I can’t help but to even analyze my psychiatrist analyzing me. Trust me, I analyze myself constantly, sometimes for better or for far far worse. However, by being both the student and teacher of my own mental health, even if I can’t control something at the time, I am actually observing what is happening and I’m able to then reflect and research why and how to make it better. HOWEVER, just because I have “made peace” with my mental health in that it’s not going away, that doesn’t mean we are best friends. I hate it. I don’t like hurting others. I don’t like hurting myself. I want it to go away. But I know it can get better and I am continuously open to learning. **CAPTION CONTINUES IN COMMENTS.

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