Repost @janellesilver Not literally everything but it almost…
Not literally everything but it almost feels like it. I cried a lot yesterday, it came in waves & when it did I’d stop what I was doing & let it out. I’ve also cried a lot today. It feels like I’ve got nothing left & any chance I get to recharge, I do, but like an old iPhone battery it drains again in the blink of an eye. When I think about the past 5 months & everything that’s going on in my life, it makes sense that I’m exhausted! I don’t think the issue is really the tiredness, it’s more me feeling bad for feeling this way, like I have no right & it’s not ok. It’s more me feeling like I owe people bright, cheery, full of life me, that that’s where my only worth is. It’s more me feeling like I have to be productive & keep creating content for the gram!Me putting heaps of pressure on myself to heal, to be “better”, to rush & make up for the past 15 years. It’s more the trauma responses & constant hypervigilance that’s become my “normal” state. It’s more me trying to do everything alone & punishing myself extra harshly for any mistakes & shortcomings. It’s more me resisting & giving myself such a hard fucking time for my own humanity & resulting imperfections.. it’s all that stuff! It’s that stuff that’s physically hurting & draining. I know I need to show myself unconditional love, kindness & care, to get back to listening to my body & brain & honouring what they’re telling me to do/not do. I know I need to let go more & keep forgiving myself. I know I need keep accepting the help that’s offered to me. I know I need to keep reminding myself I’m allowed to just be where I’m at, that I’m worthy & enough no matter what state i’m in & that I have so much to be grateful for. I know it’s going to get better! Sometimes just knowing is enough, enough to end the hopelessness & take the pressure off, to create space to then start doing! That knowing comes from awareness & the awareness comes from staying with the uncomfortable feelings & listening to what they’re trying to tell you. Life’s a learning experience & I’m learning a lot 🙌🏼 A little reminder to those that need it, you can be a mess & still be amazing. You’re not alone & you are loved.